The following is a handy-dandy guide to SOME of the perverted people, icky creatures, stupid magic spells, and vexing folderol mentioned in the Barry Trotter series. I've tried to keep the spoilers out, and  added some info not in the books which you might find amusing. (Thanks to Mollie Wilson for providing the original list.)

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 

"Accountants and Attorneys" -- a role-playing game for magical folk which seeks to recreate the dubious thrills of Muddle life. Barry was always much too cool (in his own mind) to play it, but his son Nigel plays it with his friends. 

Acromandela -- a gigantic black spider with a passion for civil rights. Native to South Africa, one lives in the Forsaken Forest.   

Acromantortilla -- an Acromandela crossed with a giant taco shell. This rare beast was created by a mad wizard, Sergio of Chimichanga. 

Ahole -- Ferd and Jorge Measlys' churlish, aggressive owl. 

"Amateur Hospital"-- a popular Muddle television series.

Anorexianervosa -- this unfortunate spell causes the caster to become rail-thin. .

Astral Park -- a dimension of New York City's Central Park visible only to wizards.

Atozed -- an alphabetizing spell.

Aveda Neutrogena -- one of the forbidden spells, it causes  death-by-moisturization.
 

Babble band -- a ribbon worn around the tongue, allowing the wearer to speak whatever language someone is speaking to him.

Banshite -- a gaunt, terrifying creature with a piercing wail. A banshite appears whenever  someone's family is driving them crazy, so crazy they wouldn't mind being an orphan.

Barry Trotter series -- an extremely popular, sensationalized series exposing the underside of the magical world, written by Muddle journalist J.G. Rollins. The explosive first book, Barry Trotter and the Philosopherís Scone was released in the U.S. as Barry Trotter. and the Magic Biscuit.

Basilisp -- the so-called "King of the Thnakes,"  this creature can paralyze foes with bitchy, nasty comments about their appearance. It cannot kill you, it can only make you want to die.

Beaubeaux Academy -- France's most prestigious magical academy. They have really cool-looking haute-couture uniforms.

Birkbeck -- this hippiegriff owned by Serious Blech also serves as a college at the University of London. How it does this is a mystery to zoologists and academicians alike.

Bladder-control spell -- developed by Amos the Semicontinent for use on long car trips.

Blast-Ended Brewt -- these disgusting creatures light their own farts.

Blech, Serious -- Barryís impoverished, untrustworthy and shiftless godfather, the only person known to have survived imprisonment in Aztalan, where he was confined for tax revision.

Blood-Sucking Slugbear -- these hirsute, leech-sized beasts are created by hatching a credit card under a chicken.

Boarsbollocksí Brew -- a ridiculously intoxicating, almost undrinkable alcoholic beverage, which is Hafwid's usual and Barry's favorite. The secret to its power is a spell which allows two alcohol molecules to inhabit the same dimensional space.

Bodyjuice Potion -- a really disgusting mixture of somebody else's body fluids that, when drunk, makes the drinker look like the source individual.

Bogart -- a shape-shifter that takes on the form of your worst fear, personified as your least favorite actor.

Borehound -- when this large breed of dog encounters a particularly tedious human, it assumes the posture of a pointer, which it keeps until the human is silent. Hafwid's borehound accompanies him to Hogwash faculty parties, and is one of the reasons Hafwid isn't universally liked.

Brobdingnag -- a spell for m aking things bigger (including you-know-whats...not that I would know).

Bumblemore, Alpo -- the Headmaster of Hogwash during Barry's school days, the mongoose to Barryís cobra.  Deeply distrustful of Barry -- and with very good reason -- Bumblemore charges the 22-year-old with stopping the upcoming film Barry Trotter and the Inevitable Attempt to Cash In. Rumored to keep a vinyl sex dungeon, the school Trustees are constantly trying to remove Alpo, but the wily git is always one step ahead.

Caffination -- this spell is equivalent to fourteen cups of coffee. Often used in conjunction with the bladder-control spell mentioned above.

Cadburied Fluke bar -- a slimy chocolate confection.

Candycornóa unicorn with delicious candy inside its horn. The only way you tell a candycorn from a regular unicorn is by killing it, which is why you see so few unicorns nowdays.

Catty Corner -- a magical shopping district in downtown London, infested with invisible cats. You can feel them brushing against your legs, but you can't see anything. If you're allergic, itís awful, and donít get me started on the hairball problem.

Centaurs -- half-human, half-horse, these jive-talking beatniks guard the Forsaken Forest. They won't hassle you as long as youíre cool, Jim.

"Changing Dooms" -- a popular television show, on which neighbors exchange the circumstances of their deaths. Sometimes they get the better deal, sometimes much, much worse (one death was later turned into the movie "Open Water").

Charmz -- bootleg spells, sold on the black market by Dork wizards. Full of spelling errors, and therefore dangerous. 

Chesterfield -- Nigel Trotter's familiar, an octopus. He is the nephew of Lake Eerie's resident kraken.

Chezdoodle -- a crunchy, orange parasite that lives between the toes of magical animals. A fascinating creature, and excellent snack.

Chimpaera -- this strange beast has an ape's head, and an ape's body, but the mind of a unscrupulous realtor.

Cmere -- an all-purpose summoning spell. The counter-incantation "No, that" is sometimes necessary.

Cockatrite -- this clichÈ-filled combination of a rooster and a snake can always be counted on to say something banal.

Colibri -- pipe-lighting spell. Also useful for arson.

Coochie. Madame  -- Hogwash's permanently concussed, confused Quiddit instructor. She habitually seduces seventh-year athletes, with less and less success every year.

Corsicanbros -- a spell that turns an attacker's blows back on himself.

Coven -- the magical world's leading fashion magazine, so filled with ads you need a spell to lift it.

Cringer, Ermine  --Barryís classmate, semi-willing co-conspirator, and really a much better friend than he deserves. Muddle-born, Ermine is the daughter of two wholistic dentists.  She is rather dull, touchy, and can be a know-it-all. All that having been said, Ermineís the only character in the entire series whom Iíd trust with my car keys.

Cruciverba -- another one of the forbidden spells (automatically making them the spells everybody knows, or at least says they know), this hex causes the sufferer to do nothing but work crossword puzzles until he/she expires.
 

Dali -- author J.G. Rollins' devoted house elf.  He is the most famous Surrealist cook in the U.K.

Delete -- reverses the effects of a spell. Slangily called "an Undo."

ìDoctor Whomî --a sci-fi television show of which Barry was briefly a fan. His son, Nigel, is also a fan.  Barry owns a replica of the P.O.T.T.Y., or "Portable Outerspace Time Travel You-Know-What."

Dragonette Decimator -- a wizard automobile coveted by Ermine Cringer.

Earth Eaters -- followers of Lord Valumart. This name was coined after L. V. made them eat dirt to prove their loyalty to him. This led to the slang term for an Earth Eater, "mud-breath."

Earwig -- Barry's familiar, a bitchy, smoking-addicted white owl. You can smell her coming.

Enchantomatic -- a Featherduster-like wand attachment that allows the user to enchant any object. It is constantly being advertised on late-night television.

Fantastic Books -- a New York-based company that owns the rights to the BT series.  Their headquarters Fantastic Towers, also kn own as "The House that Barry Built."  Fantastic's mascot is Randy the Happy Rottweiler.

Fistuletta -- Hogwash's mountainous, half-giantess lunch lady. You don't mess with her, even when you find a cigarette butt in your mashed potatoes.

Forsaken Forest -- just off the Hogwash grounds, this dark and mosquito-infested place is home to the fearsome Buggering Birch, a stand of choak trees, and many other species of icky flora and fauna. It is rather sloppily maintained by a clutch of centaurs.

Gandolt --a.k.a "Gandolt the Gay," a wizard whom Bumblemore accused of selling out because he toured with Led Zeppelin.  In response, Gandolt went on an American TV chat show and beat Bumblemore like a rented mule.

Genitomancy -- the ancient art of forecasting someone's future by inspecting their genitals. Though it is somewhat disreputable, when pressed, most magical people will sheepishly admit that they still believe in it.

Gíingots -- the leading wizard bank. Barry carries their debit card.

Great Hall -- the Hogwash cafeteria. Nothing so great about it, really, except that there are hoses built into the walls that gush out water after every meal. These push all the scraps of dropped and thrown food, as well as broken furniture and the occasional sleeping student, into a hidden chute in the center of the floor that leads to the incinerator.

Grimfood, Zed -- Hogwash's burly, profusely freckled, and bloody-minded armorer, who does not appear in J.G.Rollins' fantastically successful books. He is very bitter about this, and gives Barry bad advice whenever he can get away with it.

Grittyfloor House -- Barryís house at Hogwash, founded 'way back when by Sir Godawfle Grittyfloor. Its students--called "Grittyflavians"--have a reputation for extreme cowardice. There is an ancient anti-sweeping spell on the house, dating back to the very beginnings of Hogwash. This gives Grittyfloorís name an awful accuracy.
 

Hafwid -- Hogwashís big, alcohol-sodden, half-giant gamekeeper.  He is extremely foul-mouthed, but gets away with it because nobody can ever tell what the hell he's saying.  He wrote a book called How To Survive Being Shat Out of a Bloody Great Dragon.

Herpes -- Prissy Measly's owl. He's been trying to get rid of it for ages.

Hex-Box -- an incredibly addictive, visually disorienting wizard gaming system.

Hogsbleede -- a sordid little eruption on the backside of the wizarding world, Hogsbleede is located suspiciously close to Hogwash School for Wizardry and Witchcrap. Conventioneers go there to get their freak on (and are frequently joined by Hogwesians sneaking out after crufew).  It has been declared autonomous by Lord Valumart, who wanted to avoid extradition for tax fraud.

Hogwash Express -- the train to Hogwash, more commonly known as the "Hogwash Depress" thanks to its slow speed, frequent breakdowns, and tatty appearance. Though it is an accurate taste of the education to come, that doesn't make it any less an indictment of Magical Rail.

Hogwash Haunt -- Hogwash's student newspaper.

Hogwash School of Wizardry and Witchcrap -- the most famous school in the wizarding world; its inmates are called "Hogwesians." Crumbling, rain-soaked, this mossy hulk is where Barry and his pals are fed misinformation and learn just enough magic to get into trouble. Its founders were Putresca Pufnstuf, Godawfle Grittyfloor, Rotunda Radishgnaw and Spartan Silverfish.

House Cup -- an ancient athletic supporter of unknown origin, which is bestowed on the House that has the most points at the end of the year. End-of-term always brings a frenzy of induced demerits, as members of each House try their best to avoid receiving the Cup, which hasn't been laundered since 1634.
 

Immuppetise -- still another of the forbidden spells, this one puts you completely in another person's power, as if you were a Muppet and they had their hand inside you.

Interrobang -- a failed punctuation mark, half question mark, half exclamation point.  The scar on Barry's head is shaped like an Interrobang.
 

Kraken -- a man-eating octopus-like waterbeast.  Hogwash has one; so does the Central Park Reservoir. The Hogwash kraken communicates via dry-erase board.
 

Lake Eerie -- deadly, monster-infested; first-years cross it to reach Hogwash. Putting Hafwid in charge of transportation means that some portion of every entering class never makes it to the Picking Ceremony. Whatever's left of them gets sent home in a small commemorative box.

Loyal Jelly -- a substance, made by a superaffectionate species of bee, which protects the skin.
 

Magic Bus -- an unsafe and superfluous form of wizard transportation.  It is haunted by the hard-partying, frequently vomiting ghost of Keith Moon, original drummer for the rock band The Who.

Malfeasance, Dorco  -- Barry's pale, pointy counterpart in Silverfish House. Nobody really likes Dorco, but since his father Ludicrous is Head Trustee, they all put up with him. He's the only person on Earth who is able to yawn and smirk at the same time..

Maturi-tea -- this magical blend of herbs and spices, when combined with hot water (and possibly milk and sugar) causes the drinker to temporarily stop being such a wanker.

McGoogle, Minolta -- once Headmistress of Grittyfloor House; McGoogle has been driven mad by the constant, Barry-stoked mayhem. By the time of Barry's eleventh year, she is a world-class nutter who skitters around the school and lives on garbage. 

Measly, Author  -- the father of Lon, Ferd, Jorge, and so many other Measlys, you gotta wonder when he ever had time to eat.

Measly, Ferd and Jorge -- Lon's prankster older brothers, who supposedly "nvented" crop circles.

Measly, Lon (Lonald)  -- Barry's best friend. Once a dedicated Maoist, he was injured in a Quiddit accident. Thinking quickly, Nurse Pommefritte gave him the brain of a golden retriever that just happened to stray onto the grounds. Lon has an IQ of 62, an aversion to swearing, and a wand covered in puffy stickers. 

Merlinís Manual for Fixing Major Magical Mishaps -- also called the "M5F2," this reference book can be found in every magical home.

Ministry of Magicity -- the governmental agency responsible for restraining the United Kingdom's wizarding folk. Magical politicians are just as corrupt, pandering, and incompetent as Muddle politicians, but also have the ability to conjure votes.

Moldybunóa pastry with eyes that infests breadboxes and pantries, destroying them with corrosive secretions. However, if your stomach can take corrosive secretions, moldybuns are delicious.

Nerfere -- a spell that turns subjects into pink foam rubber.

Nunnally, Trevor  -- J.G. Rollins' live-in companion, who believes that pinewood derby racing will solve all world problems.  And maybe, just maybe, heís right.
 

Openadoora -- a spell that opens doors (duh).

Ornery (Irish Phoenix) -- this greenish-black bird has a three phase life: getting drunk, then immolation, then guilt after rebirth. Which leads to drinking, which leads to immolation, which leads to...Unpleasant beast.

Owleteria -- a tower in Hogwash where the mail owls stay when not in use.
 

Philosopher's Scone -- a mystical baked good which imbues the eater with eternal life.  Sought for centuries, it was found in an abandoned bakery in Bangor.  While locked within Bumblemore's desk, a mouse took a nibble and is now Messiah of the Hogwash vermin.

Picking Cap -- the ridiculous means by which Hogwash students are assigned Houses.  Drunken and irresponsible, it is suspectible to bribes.

Picking Ceremony -- a popular Muddle tourist attraction. Like the rest of Hogwash, it never really lives up to the movie, and this causes the angry tourists to engage in petty vandalisms.

Pommefritte, Nurse Puppy -- school nurse and unquestioned fuhrer of the Hogwash Infirmary. A genius with animal parts, she's not above selling students a suck of laughing gas for a Gallon.

Ponce, Madame  -- Hogwash's  school librarian. She dabs library paste on her wrists and behind each ear, and on the weekends is rumored to practice leather binding.

Potions Pantry -- a prominent wizard charity, the pet cause of Grittyfloor House. Potions Pantry supplies ingredients to impoverished hags.

Pretzeltongue -- a particular kind of wizard who can contort his tongue quite extravagantly.

Prigrigid -- Lon Measly's owl. Now eaten.
 

Quiddit -- an ancient, violent, yet still beloved game where wizards and witches fly around on mops trying to put a ball through a hoop.  There's also a variant called "Extreme Quiddit," which is even more stupid and lethal.
 

RhuTastic -- the world's only rhubarb-flavored soft drink, mentioned conspicuously in the Barry Trotter books via a corporate sponsorship deal.

Rollins, J.G.  -- journalist and author of the successful Barry Trotter books.  She lives on a Caribbean estate in Scotland.
 

Schadenfraude -- prestigious European magical academy, which competes with Hogwash and Beaubeaux for honors.

The Sharper Mage -- an upscale wizard gift catalogue.

Silverfish House -- Grittyfloor's rival; home to the Malfeasances. The thoroughly amoral and unpleasant Silverfishers chant rude slogans and toss lunchmeat during Quiddit matches.

Sinatra, Professor -- an Astronomy professor with possible Mafia connections and a definite way with the ladies.

Sir Cedric's Fantastic Follicle Encouraging Emollient -- a popular anti-baldness cream, sold via endless spam on the World Witchy Web. Trust me, you don't want to swallow it.

Sir Godawfle's Grotto -- the Grittyfloor buttery, where members of the House can stop between classes for bandages, comic books, and perhaps a bite of truly nasty food. All sorts of unwholesome bartering goes on here, aided and abetted by the house elves who oversee the joint (and get a cut). I really couldn't get into it during the books, but use your imagination. Prewritten exam scrolls are only the beginning.

Smidgeon -- this agile, circular bird is the real-life inspiration for the Golden Sneetch. Believed to be real for centuries, the smidgeon doesnít exist, disappearing as soon as you  clean your glasses.

Sneaky Prickoscope -- an easy-to-conceal device which identifies jerks, cretins, snide dismissers, and arseholes of every stripe. The only trouble is, it keeps going off.

Snipe, Professor Severe  -- the constantly tormented, and consequently quite churlish Hogwash Professor of Notions.  He is also Head of Silverfish House, but he's just doing this to increase the amount of his eventual pension.

Soporiffic Suplex-- a magical wrestling move that puts the target to sleep. 

Special Branch -- a secret governmental agency which tries to minimize the damage that wizarding folk wreak on the Muddle world.

Sphincter -- a cross between a sphinx and a cipher.

Sprig, Madame  -- Hogwash's perpetually stoned Herbology professor. She used to be a roadie for Bob Marley and the Wailers, but they fired her for smoking too much marijuana.

The Stun -- a London tabloid which printed directions to Hogwash.  Its motto is, "Stun-ningly insipid!"
 

"Tales of the Utterly Expected" -- Nigel Trotter's favorite series of comic books, which feature Norman Normal, Middle-Aged Muddle.

Tannis-root squash -- a nasty-tasting fizzy drink that supposedly increases magical ability. Actually, it just increases burping.

Telemarketus -- this spell signs the victim up for irritating, useless, and invariably expensive goods and services. There is a counterspell: "Donotcallus."

Thornton, Jimmy  --a  volatile 20-year-old actor who plays Barry in Barry Trotter and the Inevitable Attempt to Cash In. His is the only celebrity life declared too seamy for E!ís True Hollywood Story.

Trotter, Barry  -- the world's most famous wizard, Barry was born in the beanpatch of a squalid Sussex commune After his hippie parents died, Barry lived with his Muddle relatives the Dimsleys, tormenting and being tormented, until he was forcibly enrolled at Hogwash.  Valumart is constantly trying to kill him, but Barry always survives, so nobody takes Barry seriously. As a result of one of these assassination attempts, Barry has a scar shaped like an interrobang on his forehead. He drinks too much, eats like a pig, sleeps until noon, and owes everybody money. All in all, heís pretty happy.

Trotter, Fiona  -- Barry's three-year-old daughter, very magical but very mischievous. 

Trotter, Nigel  -- Barry's eleven-year-old son, who is fascinated by Muddle life, and dreams of becoming a dentist. Nigel has trouble doing magic, and Hogwash is very difficult for him. His wand has training wheels.
 

Unitard -- someone cursed with an excessive love of unicorns.
 

Valid Tumor Alarm -- Barry's favorite shock-rock band.  Lead singer Art Valumord is "equal parts Jim Morrison, Sid Vicious, and Elton John."

Valumart, Lord Terry --  less than 1/3 as smart as he thinks he is, Valumart is nevertheless the ultimate Dork wizard. "He-Who-Smells" killed Barryís parents by crashing into their enchanted VW minibus, and in the interest of consistency, he spends a great deal of time trying to kill Barry.  Lord Valumart relies heavily on anagrams to mask his schemes, many of which involve peddling magical goods to the Muddle world.  He began Valumart Enterprises with his invention of muzak.  He has written an autobiography, Cheaters Prosper!
 

Wand Depot -- a warehouse-style store where Nigel Trotter's cheapo bargain wand was purchased. 

Welsh Rarebit -- a rare type of dragon that breathes hot cheese.

Weretrout -- like a werewolf, but a trout.  Weretrout are very dangerous to themselves, since they must be completely submerged in water during the change.

Wereumbrella -- it's best not to get into the details of this family curse, which strikes pretty office workers.

Wha? -- the special confused energy that, coupled with desire, produces magical ability. This energy was first identified by the Eastern philosopher Sun Ruf, in his book The Art of Wha?

Wickea -- vendors of cheap magical furniture. 

Willybig -- an insect, the sting of which causes -- well, you can guess what it causes.

Wizard pipes -- indistinguishable from Muggle pipes, they aren't addictive, don't cause mouth rot, and never need to be filled.  The smoke can be formed into any shape one likes. They do not, however, work magic with the chicks.

Youthanasia -- a rare and quite mysterious medical condition in which the sufferer grows progressively younger.  Treated with geezerwort and kidsbane.
 

Zonker's -- a skeevy head shop in Hogsbleede, where Hogwash students go to buy pipeweed from Habbits.